My first Haiku

Here in bright sunny California
Lo behold these thundering menacing  advancing clouds
Alas none have any tears

Just 7 questions?

What am I doing?

There's rap shit in my ears.

Darn Black on my lips.

Cuppa with two extra shots; just to my liking.

Why am I writing?

Just to kill the pain.

Maybe to focus, something I need to regain.

Krav Maga that's the way I am fighting.

What am I really?

Looks like I am am just a show-off.

Flaunting my car, my moves, my laugh.

Don't remember when I last showed humility.

What do I need?

Everything!!! Really that is never an option.

The right answer; a long vacation.

Away from the negativity, from all my greed.

Why can't I sleep?

Now that's a real problem to address.

No more dreams, wow what a mess.

Faces from the past and present look in for a peep.

Why am I angry?

I got no big time issues.

Frustration, jealousy, sadness; don't need any tissues.

Mostly because I am always hungry.

Why am I stopping now?

A poem a day keeps my doctor away.

Any more will call for a shrink I can't afford to pay.

That's all I have for now; gotta go grab some chow.

Consumed

There is a fire inside,
I fan it more.
I can't put it out I tried,
Used every last bit of energy left in store.
Leaves my brain feeling so fried,
Every muscle aching and sore.
Told everyone it's ok but I lied,
My moral fiber, it tore.
Joking with friends seeing the funny side,
But every moment feels like forever more.
Trying to run but I can't seem to hide,
The fire has it's way; I am no more.

Where

Where is your freaking concentration?

What is wrong with you?

Why can't you let go?

Why is this goin south?

Why don't you get a life?

Why don't  you aim for something realistic?

Why are you so lost?

Where are you headed?

Dependencies/Addictions

Why do we keep doing that to ourselves. Create dependencies that we cannot sustain or fall prey to addictions that will take us to our graves.

Sensible as we are why is it that we are so needy too. Why don't we realize when something is too good to be true; then that's exactly what it is. No point pining or yearning for what is but a fleeting moment or a chance encounter.

Fleeting; temporary that's the keyword here. Why are these temporary moments the ones which create the most permanent of feelings. Well the sands of time shift and leave as little choice to us than they have on which side of the hourglass to stay in.

Still smiling

Still smiling how do we do it. What is the formula that causes me to smile in the face of everything....

Irreparable

When does one realise that a life is beyond repair? What are the next steps? Try to cut your losses and retreat or go down glory lane all guns ablaze. If only it were that simple. One does have to weigh so many factors. Counting their blessings... But what if one is too lazy to consider all factors and take a decision... Too many what ifs but isn't that a part of life. So is life really that irreparable? Guess more digging and soul searching is in order here...

Wtf

Hell deep down in the ditch
So much for decisions being weighed
Hell its like the flip of a switch
In the end it leaves you feeling played

Wtf

If only

If only badapadapapapap
Badapapapaap

If only I had something to say
Anything for the clouds to go away
If only we could go out and play
With the sun shining go out and make some hay

If only badapadapapapap
Badapapapaap

If only someone would listen to me
Break the shackles and come roam free
If only this green pasture that I see
We could roam unfettered and make merry

If only badapadapapapap
Badapapapaap

If only I had 25 mil to spend
No, that would drive me over the bend
If only fences were so easy to mend
Life the great leveller sets it's own trend

If only badapadapapapap
Badapapapaap

If only people would my transgressions forgive
Realize that there is a life we gotta live
If only I could stop this rhyme
Stop sliding on auto pilot deep into slime

Badapapapaap
Badapapapaap

In transit

Life is a constant transition. Never more evident than in my case. Even this post comes when I am in transition. From Bangalore to SFO. From familiar odors to new ones. From love to loneliness. From being misinformed to being empowered. From making the mistake of doubting my ability to at least wanting to regain my self esteem. I owe this post to myself.

Right now riding the Bay Area Rapid Transit (BART) :-)

Take care. Catch y'all later.

Love,
Sumod