Before I wither

The angel of death calls me hither,
Whilst my heart still yearns to linger
To live a loveless life or like a virgin flower wither,
Tell me my friends, which is better.
In this life I have tasted many a medicine bitter,
None worse than the love i couldn't savour.
To live a loveless life or like a virgin flower wither,
Tell me my friends, which is better.
Love I have heard is a miracle worker,
How would I know? I never have met her.
To live a loveless life or like a virgin flower wither,
Tell me my friends, which is better.
I do not wish to pass on into the heavens yonder,
If true love, is to be found in the lands of Lucifer.
Yes, like the virgin flower I am ready to wither,
I take your leave my friends. My love awaits me in the nether.

***

On a day like today.

Wake up in the morning, feeling so sticky,
Grin into the mirror, at my teeth so yucky,
Try to mend my hair, ever so mucky,
The water supply is cut off, oh how lucky.

This is the kind of day I hate,
Makes me want to defecate.
The situation is very delicate,
Someone is already in there, oh what a fate.

Don’t ask me what happened in there,
But I come out as hungry as a bear.
Open the fridge, smile at the solitary pear,
Alas it is rotten, my tummy quakes in fear.

Seething, I turn to where my clothes are hung,
No time to iron, they look so worn and wrung.
I step into my shoes, covered all over in dung,
It can’t get messier, looks like the fat lady has sung.

Against time I have to race,
Sweat pouring down my sticky face,
I win, but of the bus there is no trace.
It comes ten minutes late, there I rest my case.

I sit in the bus feeling humid at hot,
Try to open the window but budge it will not.
My latest crush giggles at my grotesque double knot,
Dear Mr. Murphy, in hell may you rot.

Enter office feeling blue, black and yellow,
Just in time to hear the boss bellow,
“Come here, you lazy, incompetent fellow”.
Feels like someone just hit me down below.

Expletives ringing in my ear I go to lunch,
Buy myself a burger and bananas by the bunch,
Open the burger to look inside on a hunch.
Copulating worms are using the cutlet as a park bench.

I leave the happy couples to make merry,
Have a couple of bananas and try to finish work in a hurry.
I can’t concentrate; with hunger my eyes go blurry,
The guy next to me burps after having rice and curry.

For the day to end I cannot wait,
It’s like hoping for a storm to abate.
As the clock strikes five I rush out the gate,
Just to slip on a peel I threw after I ate.

Clamber into the bus fearing the worst,
There sits my crush, alone, in deep thought.
Of this opportunity I try to make the most,
Try talking to her but she asks me to get lost.

I enter the house thirsting for a drink,
Open the tap and mud oozes into the sink.
My roommate tells me that I stink,
I show him a finger and tell him what I think.

I lie in bed humming my favorite song,
Am stopped in mid-verse by a clock gong,
Thirteen times the clock goes on and on.
Thus ends a day that went so horribly wrong.

Up here on cloud no. 9

Yes, I am in love. That oh so great feeling of touching the soft green grass and the fluffy white clouds at the same time has me completely overwhelmed. Rushing out of office in a tearing hurry to meet her in the evenings, controlling the urge to ring up and check on her in case she gets that ever so lethal feeling that I am being too possessive, thinking about her all through the day and about all the fun we had together the previous evening.

Doing all those typical things that typical lovers so typically do, which don’t seem all that typical to us anymore. We sit gazing into each other’s eyes for absurdly long periods of time, two bodies sharing one soul. Sometimes I feel that she is just an extension of me. Someone sent with the purpose of broadening my horizons and forever changing the way I view things. I feel at times that another dimension has been added to me. I consider her as an extension of my mind’s eye. Someone who captures all that my roving eye and my wayward ears might miss. Her one look is enough to tell me that she considers me as her true inner self. Someone who helps her express herself, someone who helps bring to fore her innate talents, someone with whom she can share all her stories, someone to whom she can show all that she sees, tell all that she hears. I am above all her best friend to whom she ever so softly purrs her most intimate secrets.

Yes, I am in love and I love being in love. It can’t be true what they say about love being blind, otherwise how could I have been drawn towards those mesmerizing eyes. Infatuation you say, I don’t think so. This is something which I expect to blossom into a long term relationship, not one of those short flings one has when he/she has a lot of spare time and does not know how better to utilize it than picking on some unsuspecting soul and professing unending love for her/him.

For the first time in my life someone has reciprocated my feelings and accepted me just as warmly as I have courted her. I believe I can see God in the heavens dressed in his impeccable white suit, as the “modern” God is wont to, leaning back into his easy-chair, pulling at the pipe in his mouth, exhaling a puff of snow white smoke and beaming at how another one of his successful plans to unite two of his creations fell ever so beautifully into place. The best laid plans of men and mice often go awry, but one can’t talk in quite the same vein as one may talk about mice and men, when one is referring to the Almighty. He has a plan for each and every one of us and I am glad that this is what he had planned for me.

One look at my angel and you will agree that I could not have been lying. Here is a little song which might sound funny and ridiculous to all you people out there but it is something I say from the bottom of my heart and nothing is going to stop me from expressing it today. The wordings of this poem are directed at the readers and dedicated to my love.

When I close my eyes,
And look up at the dark blue skies.
I can see the eagle soaring high.
Through my angel’s eye.

When I close my ears,
And see you moved to tears.
I can hear your cries.
My angel, she brings me your sighs.

When I told her I was going to write about her and tell all my friends who read my posts and anyone else in the whole wide world (or the world wide web) who cared to read my blog about my newfound love, she was shy at first, but then reluctantly agreed on the condition that I would not put her photo on my blog. She forgot however that I could put a link to her photo and show how she looked without actually having her picture on my blog.

Click here to see how my angel looks.

The view is really great up here on cloud number 9.

I am a Hufflepuff. What are u???

Which Hogwarts house will you be sorted into?

They put me in Hufflepuff. Click the link above to see where you will be placed. I know a couple you will surely be Slytherins if you are true to yourselves. So, no cheating guys. Give truthful (NO, almost truthful will not do) answers and see where you would have been.

These are my in depth results according to them:

Hufflepuff : 13

Ravenclaw: 13

Gryffindor: 12

Slytherin: 06

Finally, proof that I am a nice guy after all. This post goes out especially to all my detractors.

The Don Rajaa & His Rainbow Raani.

Before I go into what Rainbow Raani is all about let me give you guys a little bit of background on this. Once upon a time... Ok, I promise I will not put you all to sleep.

Once upon a time, there were two dashing, handsome and talented (atleast one of them was) guys. We'll call them AB and Madan, shall we. Both of them absolutely loved (and they still love) music and dance. They used to practise their dance steps in ABs house, with the hope that they would, one day, make it to the popular (and their favourite) dance show "Boogie-Woogie". They loved to rap along with the Don Rajaa of Indian music, Apache Indian. Music and cricket were their two greatest loves. AB was an amazing keyboard and tabla player, and a great all-rounder. He had a great voice too. Madan had a good ear for music, loved to dance and could send the cricket ball into orbit with a mighty swing of his bat. They enjoyed the time they spent together. They used to have a whale of a time breaking window-panes, scaring their little sisters, pelting passerbys with fruits and a helluva lot of other pranks.

Well, like all good things their amazing times came to an end as these best of pals had to part ways. Higher education beckoned AB and his SAT scores were high enough to get him a full scholarship in an university of his choice in the US of A. Madan, meanwhile stayed back in India and went on to become a run of the mill software engineer. Correspondence, through e-mails were few and far between as both of them got caught up in their gruelling schedules. The music however did not die. Madan became a great dancer and took each and every oppurtunity that came his way to do his inebirated bhangra at parties (come on not a professional dancer, maybe a professional drinker). AB however decided to channel his talents and passion into something a little more fruitful. He floated a sucessful band in the US. The band goes under the name "Rhythm Mandir".

That has been their story so far.

Obvious questions, you are bound to be asking me/yourself:

a) Who are these guys AB and Madan? Do we know them?

b) Why the hell are you telling us about this?

c) What is Rainbow Raani?

The not so obvious answers:

a) Well, you know them. Yes!!! You love them too. Still thinking... Here they are...

AB (Arnab Banerjee) Madan (Yeah, me)

Yes I love dancing. You guys better stop laughing now or your heads will roll, i swear.

b) Why I am telling you all this is because Rhythm Mandir is doing really well in the US, and I am really happy for (and extremely proud of) my pal Arnab, who is their lead vocalist and keys player.

Rhythm Mandir is the HOTTEST Indian music sensation in the US. Their 'Rainbow Raani' soundtrack, is set for a 2006 release. Also something worth watching out for is their debut Hindi album, also set for a 2006 release.

They will also be giving a live performace at the Bollywood Awards 2006, to be held in New Jersey.

c) Yep, you guessed it Rhythm Mandir is the band that has lent it's musical talents to the movie "Rainbow Raani".

It is going to be a musical love story about a love which extends beyond the physical and bonds all races and genders. The Rainbows is a talented musical band of four young men, like the Beatles were of Liverpool... Click here to find out more.

Hope, I have put to rest the most basic of queries about Rhythm Mandir. Contact me in case of any queries and in case you like what you hear at http://www.rainbowraani.com which I am sure you will, then be sure to join the Rhythm Mandir Fan Club in Orkut, to keep yourself updated about the latest happenings.

To my buddy:

A toast to you pal. I am so glad that you are living your dream. Wish you all the very best in life pal. Here is a "balle balle" to you:

Luv,

Madan Bhai :)

Mujhe mil jo jaye thoda paisa…

Money, money, money,
That’s what I crave honey.
To fulfill my needs aplenty,
When will I get my bounty?

Everybody loves money,
Be it Indian rupees or foreign currency.
It can get you all you fancy.
Till your death, right from infancy

Come on everybody,
Come shake your booty,
Come move your body,
To the rhythm of money

Money, money, money,
It’s driving me crazy.
Working away till twelve thirty,
To make that extra penny

Everybody loves money,
Alladin and his darned genie,
The evil sorcerer and his dumb crony.
They all love it till they go loony.

Come on everybody,
Come shake your booty,
Come move your body,
To the rhythm of money

Money, money, money,
Always comes in handy.
Money my dear will buy me candy,
And a little more buys a bottle of brandy.

Everybody loves money,
From King Kong to the tooth fairy,
They all want to own a factory,
Which mints nothing, but money

Come on everybody,
Come shake your booty,
Come move your body,
To the rhythm of money

Money, money, money,
Makes me feel so thrifty,
Money my love is real nifty,
Money my love drives a Ferrari.

Everybody loves money,
Molly, Dolly and Tiffany,
Monty, Bunty and Timothy.
Sad that money loves nobody.

Come on everybody,
Come shake your booty,
Come move your body,

To the rhythm of money

***

Ramp walk to screen talk to calling the shots.

Guess who is making his foray into production ventures. If you don't know already then help yourself to these three clues.

a) He was the captain of his college football team.

b) He can’t decide whether he is “hot” or “cool”. Most of the girls think he is hot, guys grudgingly admit that he might be cool.

c) He is half mallu. ( going crazeeeee, crazy about coconuts.)

Come to think of it, the title of this post is also a clue, and a huge one at that. If you are still guessing then you either:-

a) Hate movies

b) Are not Indian

c) Hate mallus (am yet to come across a single non-mallu who hates a mallu, so you must be a mallu yourself)

d) There are few more options that can't really be disclosed on such a public (yes, more than two people visit my blog, so it may be called public) forum.

Click here to know the answer.

Click here for more news on the production venture.

Is life a two edged sword or something?

Is life a two edged sword or something?
Behold, my path shining bright in the lightning.
Bringing with it the deafening sound of thunder,
That rips me apart, tears me asunder.

That night, freebasing myself to a beautiful high,
Thinking of old times and letting out a tired sigh.
The acrid smoke giving me a hazy satisfaction,
My body pays the price of my vile temptation.

Rain pelting down on that hot night brings me relief,
But drenches the old man in the street, survival his only belief.
Yesterday’s paper for me is trash to be thrown away,
The old man will use it as his bed today.

Have a dream that I am reaching for the stars,
Just to burn my hands leaving deep scars.
Then I wake up to my morning cup of tea,
So hot, that it scalds my tongue you see.

Running wildly through the meadows,
Being chased by what seems like shadows.
Shadows of my past, they don’t seem to tire.
I try to run faster but my feet are stuck fast in quagmire.

From the ghosts of the past I must break free,
The will-o'-wisp of future stands ready to lead me.
But, am I really ready to let go of everything?

Is life a two edged sword or something?

***

Adios Amigos...

Feeling defeated,
Like I have been shift-deleted.
Looks like I have been erased,
From the minds I thought had cared.

Have been taking a lot of shit,
Standing right back up after each hit.
Don’t know how much longer I can take it,
Every time I feel like I am pushing the limit.

I have been refusing to give in,
My patience wearing ever so thin.
The way people keep blowing me off,
Like they are the rice and me the chaff.

I don’t even know why I am bothering,
Maybe I should just let everybody do their own thing.
Maybe I should just put and end to this strife,
And do what someone once said “Sumod, go get a life.”

Loneliness is a bitch (ok before the women’s lobby comes out with banners and placards I apologize to all the bitches I know… Oops I mean, to all the ladies I know). I have never felt loneliness; at-least never realized it till the 24th year of my existence. Getting emotionally attached to someone is a strict no – no for me, and I say this purely out of experience. An ex-active promoter of the cause of limitless friendship I have through my own trials and tribulations (and also from the experiences of others) realized that once you let someone into your head, heart or life knowingly or like in most cases unknowingly then you are in for a roller coaster ride. You are unwittingly drawn into a cesspool of emotions which you never even knew existed, the likes of which you find yourself totally ill equipped to handle (especially if before that point of time you used to be one of those cold emotionless @#$&^* like me). I must thank my stars that I didn’t ever get completely swept away and had one foot firmly planted on the ground which prevented me from falling down on my backside (which is huge and strong like the restof me in case you were wondering) and making a complete fool out of myself. From now on I am keeping the words limitless and friendship at a distance from each other, a distance that tends really close to infinity.

In this world of hitherto uncharted emotions I am all at sea and flailing my arms in a hopelessly desperate (redundant use of superlatives just to give you a feel of how screwed up it really is) attempt to stay afloat. I feel like a convict fresh out of prison trying to socialize with people from the so called “genteel” world. I feel so ready to slip back into the easy camaraderie of the hard core criminals I left behind, so ready to repeat the crime I once committed or to commit some new crime just to feel the warmth of my cold cell once again.

I had successfully disappeared without a trace once, now I find myself gearing up to do the same thing again. Solitude and me go back a long way and now it looks like we are going to be back together again and pick up on our affair from where we had left off. Now don’t mistake my solitude for loneliness. In those times I had my heart and mind in one place (with me), now I find myself stuck in the center with my mind wanting me to go one way and my heart pulling me the other way. Solitude will in all probability put an end to this horrible conflict that has been rocking my boat for some time now. Solitude does not mean that I am going to shut myself up in some dingy room with just books for company or go to some uninhabited island with just coconut trees (though the mallu in me is singing "goin crazy, crazy about coconuts") for company. Solitude for me means what I am thinking stays strictly in my own head. I will be hard-nosed, hardheaded and hard of hearing to everything other than what I feel strictly interests me. Enough of being Mr. Good Guy a.k.a Mr. Door Mat a.k.a Mr. Toilet Paper. The only emotion I will wear is one of perpetual irritation.

Till when is this going to go on? Till whatever amount of time I want it to go on for. Till I feel that the world or someone in this world is savvy enough to handle my emotions. A lot will change by the time I re-emerge into this world, hopefully for the better. Till then it’s adios to all you amigos.

P.S: These are not the feelings of the author. The author is looking at the world from the eyes of a "good guy". Those who know (or atleast think that they know) the author personally will vouch for the fact that author is actually far from being a good guy... :D Had written this about a month back i think.

More Questions...

What, where, who, how, why and a truckload full of other questions which may or may not be a permutation or combination or will in the very least be some other manifestation of the aforementioned basic questions, traverse the topography of my brain in the form of infinitesimal pulses. These elusive little pulses, quietly make their way into oblivion and leave behind as few tracks as possible. If only I could, for once make a successful attempt to follow these pulses then I could probably arrive at the answer. The answer I am talking about is the ultimate one to each and every question in this whole wide world and probably in this whole wide Universe and the next one, basically the answer to every question in all creation. However it is very difficult during these moments of existential angst to keep track of a tiny little speck of electrical charge that surges through the creases and folds of one’s brain.

Some however might want to argue on the point that there already exists an ultimate answer. These people who seem find solace in escapism say that the ultimate answer is nothing but “No Comments”. Boring and dull though this answer seems it will take a turn for the interesting if the person who questions is very persistent. Two of my friends Angee (female and a delicious one at that) and Blade (male, not as good looking as me) seem to have gotten into an argument because of Blades’ certain apparently not so straight preferences. Blade is banking on the “No Comments” path to escape.

Angee: (From the adjoining room) Blade are you there?

Blade: (From the room next to the adjoining room in which Angee is) No Comments.

Angee: (Storming into the room next to the adjoining
room. From the adjoining room of course) What the @#%$ did you just say?

Blade: No Comments.

Angee: (Presumably a little taken aback) What do you mean by saying “No Comments”?

Blade: No Comments.

Angee: What the @#%$ ?

Blade: No Comments.

Angee: Have you gone totally out of your
mind?

Blade: No Comments.

Angee: Ok!!! Now what is this picture of you kissing this guy in a gay pub doing on the front page of the newspaper???

Blade: No Comments.

Angee: Why didn’t you tell me before that you were gay???

Blade: No Comments.

Angee: Who is this guy in your life?

Blade: No Comments.

Angee: (Inching towards the rather expensive and heavy flower vase that is situated on a corner table in the corner of the room next to the adjoining room again as seen from the adjoining room) It’s Tommy isn’t it?

Blade: No Comments.

Angee: (Reaching out for that rather heavy and expensive vase. Which one? The one on the corner table in the room next to…. Ah forget it, I think you get the picture by now) How could you do this to me u thick @@#$@?

Blade: No Comme…. (Crash, Bang and the sickening feeling you get when you feel that you are lying on the floor with your brain splattered across the wall in front of your own eyes. This feeling (whatever feeling it is) also deepens when you realize that the expensive Ming vase that you paid a fortune for just three days back is now lying shattered beside you.)

Well, so much for Blade’s attempt. The moral of the story however is that escapism never answers any question it just paves the way for more questions. So, do most other answers. Innumerable occasions come to my mind when I have heard a person telling me that he has just one question to ask and then I end up replying to a barrage of so called “follow up” questions. Yes, it just underlines my inability to answer a question correctly.

In, essence the ultimate answer that I am searching for is not really one single answer. No, that can not be. I feel what I am really looking for is an effective technique to answer questions. A technique that produces such an effective and complete answer, which keeps in mind the person asking the question and eradicates all doubt from his/her mind regarding the question he had asked and the ones he would otherwise have asked.

There, this means another quest for me into the vastly unexplored realms of the human mind. Whilst I plan to dive in and find an ultimate solution, any suggestions on how I should go about it or whether I should go about it at all are welcome.

Will I come up with the ultimate answer? How long will it take me if it can be actually achieved? Will it stand the test of time?

For now the only answer I have for all your questions is “No Comments”.

P.S: Here are the translations of few symbols that I have used above:

@#%$ = stands for heck :)
@@#$@ = stands for skull...