Act 1 Scene 1
Some kids playing gilli-danda in a posh Indian village (somewhere in modern day Gujrat I am led to believe)
Bhajju: (patting Lijju's bottom) Oye... why in god's name is Simmu jumping around like a monkey. Has he got the crabs???
Simmu: Oh... teri maa ki aankh... tune mujhe bandar bulaya. Chal sarpanch ke paas u bloody homo.
Haggu: (He has just returned from a tour to the UK with a hangover... oops stopover in Australia) Good on u mate... Let's teach this bawstard a lesson.
Sachu: Arrey mere priya doston shanti rakho...
Yuvesh: Arrey yeh log kaise rakh sakte hain... Shantipriya toh mere saath hain... Nahin doonga nahin doonga (jumps around in glee and accidentally sits down on the danda... ouch !@#$)
Donu: Chokri gayee... chokri ke peeche bhaagte bhaagte naukri gayee... ab kahin yeh log mujhe team se nikal na de..... I should have stuck to tennis.... Bas paani bujhaye pyaas baaki all means loads of cash :-)
Kumbhu: Only one team is playing in the right spirit.
Pintu: You are right mate * hic * (Holding up his half empty bottle of Faujster)
Bhakki: What's goin on??? Who switched off the lights???
Bensu: Dunno yaar... let's ask Pintu, he is the only one with the right spirit.
Bhakki: Maybe imbibing some of that spirit will improve my eyesight. Wat say?
Bensu: Dunno yaar... let's ask Pintu bhaiya.
Someone switches on the floodlights and all of them make their way to meet the Sarpanch.
Act 1 Scene 2
A panchyat has been called. Everyone is present and case has been stated. The arrogant but just Sarpu as he is lovingly called is about to deliver his verdict...
Sarpu: Ladies and gentleman. The moment all of you have been waitin for. The verdict in the racial abuse case. And the talented player who came in second today is... Ladies and gentleman IT IS ......................................................................... time for a short break... Duh... Of course you are watching this on TV... Only our satellite can transmit these pictures direct into ur living room... So mere doston iss se jyaada kuch bhi mat wish karo....
Thankfully there is only one commercial... where a certain gentleman puts a part of himself... in his purplish magentaish brownish pink mailbox... the only problem is that he forgot his password... Now the poor guy can't take his part out... The poor AzwhOL..
Sarpu: Welcome back ladies and gentleman (winks knowingly at Sachu)... The votes are in and the verdict is out. You the junta found Bhajju guilty of racial abuse. We therefore sentence Bhajju to cough up a hefty sum of 2.3 dozen bannanas to the victim of this abuse.
Simmu, Pintu and their group of rowdy ruffians form a huddle and jump up and down for joy. Some of them pump their fists at the bystanders almost beheading some respectable villagers. It takes one back to the days when Ramayan used to be aired on national T.V. and Ram and his Vanar sena jumped up and down for joy after defeating the ten (or was it eleven) headed Ravana in an epic battle... Darn it's making me nostalgic.
Simmu: We won... Pintu bhaiya we won...
Sarpu: Not so fast my son. When did I say you won. I was talking about the complaint on racial abuse lodged against Bhajju by the village's favorite monkey Chimpu. He came to me before you found your way here and accused Bhajju of racially abusing and degrading him by comparing him to you. So the 2.3 dozen bannanas and our heartfelt apologies for this unfortunate incident to Chimpu.
The village erupts in joy... Pintu falls to the ground and starts retching... must be from an overdose of the right spirit.
Don't go away I will be back tomorrow with Act 2 of this critically acclaimed prime time hogging drama.