After You Left.

Had my head up in the clouds,
When I heard this rumor doing the rounds,
Someone told me that you were leaving,
It hit me like a blow ‘n’ sent me reeling.

They said that you were going away,
Having decided to live life your own way.
Didn’t believe anything they said,
All my detractors who wished me dead.

Rushed home trying not to cry,
Just in time to see the taxi speeding by.
Bags packed and tied to the roof,
You sitting inside, cold and aloof.

Shouted your name out loud in the street,
Did not want to accept defeat.
Fought those tears, now crying to break free,
Threatening to drown the dreams I used to see

Hey it used to be us,
Since that day we met on the bus.
Till yesterday when we shared a coffee,
Now we are different people, you and me.

After all that we had been through,
How could you leave me so lost, so blue?
I did all that you told me to,
It was like you had me under voodoo.

Went up to the room, was greeted by the silence,
Couldn’t take it, slammed the door with violence.
Calmed down thinking that you would return,
Opened the door twenty times just to find no one.

Picked up the glass and the plate,
As usual you hadn’t cleaned up after you ate.
Wondering if this really was my fate,
What oh what had caused all this hate?

I told myself to be strong,
To stop thinking about what went wrong.
But it’s easier said than done you see,
You used to be a part of me.

What was it that really went wrong?
What made you just another face in the throng?
Was it that you found someone new?
Was it that my money was too little, too few?

Hmmm all these sleepless nights,
Thinking about you and how reality bites.
Sometimes I wish I hadn’t known you at all,
Sometimes for you to come stop this free-fall.

Now that you have left I feel so lost,
People telling me that I look like my ghost.
Trying to find a way out of this maze,
Am working my way through it in a daze.

Looking back at those moments we shared,
Sometimes I wonder if you really cared.
Doesn’t matter anymore you see,
This is the last time someone’s walking all over me.

***

Born on a thorn...

Muhahaha I am born,
Into this world, tattered and torn.
Feeling so lost, so forlorn,
Like i missed the rose and caught the thorn.

Whenever people call me a fool,
I blame it all on my school.
They told me to be nice to one and all,
Even if they pierce your heart with burning coal.

An idiot is what i feel like,
Not jus coz i cant ride a bike.
Not even becoz i dont get a salary hike,
But jus coz i really cant figure out my psyche.

About my life i could go on and on,
Like that ad of the battery Amaron,
But I think i had better be gone,
Someone is calling me on my damn phone.

***

Give me the answers.

Is there more to this world than I see?
What am I doing here and by whose decree?

Am I here to simply pass out my time?
Or is that really my biggest crime?

Am I here to mint more money?
Or is that a sign of impending felony?

Should I make knowledge my favorite dish?
Or is ignorance in reality bliss?

Am I here to travel far and wide?
Or just to let others take me for a ride?

Am I here to practice what I preach?
Or should I stop aiming for things out of my reach?

Should I be happy with where I am?
Or is being stagnant a cause for alarm?

Am I here to spread the love?
Or hear that word and raise my brow?

Am I here to care for the poor and needy?
Or just to shut up and continue being greedy?

Is there a way to know who is genuine and true?
Or should I help all those who come out of the blue?

Am I here to combat all this militancy?
Or should I kill my heroism in its infancy?

Am I here to stop all the mindless violence?
Or to quell my doubts and forever hold my silence?

Is there any way to try and stop all this hate?
Or will discussions pave way for another endless debate?

Am I here to stop all this profanity?
Or let it go as another flaw of humanity?

Am I here to try and end all this corruption?
Or just to stare as it goes past all redemption?

Should I be gracious to all and sundry?
Or should curtsies be reserved only for the gentry?

Am I here to lead the way?
Or just to go by what others say?

Am I here to stamp my authority?
Or give others’ feelings higher priority?

Should I listen to my heart and do as I am told?
Or just leave my emotions out in the cold?

Am I here to defeat the evil that holds sway?
Or just to turn my back and run away?

Am I here to be the savior of the world?
Or just to sit back and let someone else be bold?

Is there any way to know what I have to do?
I would love to ask someone, but then who?

***

Bohemian Rap...

I came out searching for unbridled fun.
Now I return, my head hung.
Here I stand, emotions denuded,
All shook up, my faith beheaded.

The grass is always greener on the other side,
That’s one truth you cannot hide.
In-spite of that I gave it a shot,
Tried to be someone I was not.

Tried to put my life in some kind of order,
In a bid to climb up the ‘social ladder’.
Guess I really didn’t come up trumps,
Ending up with only the bruises and lumps.

From, the casual, “Hey, Wassup dude?”
To the sweet and sugary, “Hello! How do you do?”
It’s been quite a transition,
Correction, almost a transformation.

What is it that makes you stick to the rule?
When being the exception is almost always cool.
You look down on me, calling me selfish,
Just because I do something you don’t wish.

The irony always fails on you.
Only telling me that I can’t take a cue.
My mind here is almost going decrepit,
Trying to make everything so explicit.

Other times you just go ballistic,
Trying to tell me that I am sarcastic.
You take my occasional naughty nip,
As a show of intolerable one-upmanship.

And when it has all gone down,
Here I am, on my own now.
Self respect torn beyond repair,
I stand alone, with nothing to fear.

You call me a social misfit,
Why don’t you let me be myself for a bit?
You shut the door on my face with a bang.
I don’t mind, because I am who I am.

Then the way you ask me how I feel,
Like you care more for the boot at your heel.
You think I am going to tell you anymore,
Just to have u treat me like an eyesore.

From now I decide where to go.
No need for any more genteel show.
No need for all the social spit and polish,
I am going back into my shell, my acropolis.

Let me retreat to that comfortable shade,
Even heroes know when to be afraid.
Hero!!! Me??? Sorry, don’t have the glamour.
I am not even a knight, let alone the shining armor.

I mean to go back to my bohemian lifestyle,
Leaving this path of incongruous self-denial.
There she is, eagerly waiting my arrival,
Forgive me bohemia; I am but the prodigal.

***

Running (Dont ask where to.)

Running is a pain,
From which I really don’t gain.
I don’t seem to lose any weight,
And I really miss getting up late.

Every morning when I check it at 4:30,
The weighing scale always says 140.
I hang my head in shame,
Lack of sleep is driving me insane.

I need to stop feeling strange,
Will this sensation ever change?
I can’t bend to tie my lace,
Is that such a big disgrace?

I go out into the morning chill,
Telling myself that running is a thrill.
Happy that I am not carrying my phone,
For once I seem to be truly left alone.

I break into a jog,
Trying to clear the fog.
My mind seems unusually cloudy,
Must be last night’s brandy.

As I start to pant,
My mind seems to go on the rant.
I brace against the reverberations,
Of my bodily lamentations.

Lungs aching for a fag,
Stamina and determination beginning to sag.
Ignoring the steady flow of perspiration,
I look around for some inspiration.

Eyes scanning the desolate landscape,
I realize that I am badly out of shape.
Hearing footsteps behind me,
I quickly turn around and see.

Ah there she was like a breath of fresh air,
The beautiful damsel with flowing black hair.
I would loved to have asked her to stop,
But I didn’t know what to do about her pop.

They ran along and disappeared around the curve,
I cursed myself for my lack of nerve.
Not wanting to take the beaten path,
I decided to get back home and take my bath.

Is it the pain from the run or the run from the pain,
Why do I keep thinking so much in vain?
Anyway now that time has come,

Joining me for lemon tea anyone?

***

Contemplations of a Sleepless Mind

Rat – a – tat… followed by a prolonged creak. I found myself waking up to the sounds of the ceiling fan slowing to a standstill. Beads of perspiration were already beginning to form on my forehead, when the sound of the fan creaking to a halt was replaced by the ominous droning of the friendly neighborhood mosquitoes. My final vestiges of hope of salvaging any sleep that night were thrown out of the window by a sudden flurry of thoughts that came rushing into my head. Disjointed faces, facts and figures flashed through my head in organized pandemonium, with the sole purpose being not letting me get back to my dreams. I opened my eyes with a start and as if on cue the commotion inside my head ceased.

With the accuracy of an arrow leaving a champion archer’s bow my hand shot out and found my Nokia 2210. It was 2:05 am and there were no new messages or missed calls. I sat up trying to organize my thoughts and cursing everyone from the Chief Minister sleeping peacefully in his AC room to our watchman snoring on his string cot in the open air. Just as I decided that going back to sleep was no longer an option Mr. Murphy and his wretched law reared their ugly heads and the fan creaked back to life. I plopped back on to the bed relieved but unable to close my eyes. Five minutes of struggling and a host of unnecessary thoughts later I sat up again. Instinct took me to the edge of the sink and I switched on the lights, while avoiding looking into the mirror, lest I scare myself. Adjusting to the light forcing its way into my eyes I opened the tap and splashed water on my face. A few drops left my hands and landed on the mirror.

I looked up unwittingly to see the drops racing each other to the bottom of the mirror, paths crisscrossing at times. At these junctures the drops stopped as if to exchange friendly banter before hurrying off along parallel paths to oblivion. Each meeting seemed to take place in a time warp, the intersecting drops too engrossed in each other to notice the others hurrying past them.. Some seemed to defy this rule as they charted the rest of the course clinging on to each other. A solitary drop slowly made its way down wondering what all the excitement around it was about. I couldn’t help smiling as the glaring similarity with human lives stuck me in the face.

I was jolted out of my reverie by the sound of my father’s bed squeaking as he shifted in his sleep. Hmmm… so here I was up and about at 2:15 in the morning, with nothing to do in particular. A lemon tea seemed like the perfect way to start the rest of my day. The first and possibly the worst of the half a dozen lemon teas I have during the course of my day. The rest are in the company of friends, in the lobby of my office building ogling at pretty faces and cracking raunchy (at times witty) jokes. Emboldened at times by the sense of being in a group I sing “Duniya Hasseno Ka Mela… Mele Mein Yeh Dil Akela”. Akela (alone/single) and Sumod (great happiness) are the words which define me best. Since my parents couldn’t possibly have named me Akela, without having the rest of the world look down at me in pity, I am called Sumod. Till now these words have only made sense as a pair. I am still waiting for someone to come along and change it (not desperately though). It’s scary at times when I think that Sumod might lose Akela and have nothing great to show for it.
I smiled once more thinking about the water droplets, feeling increasingly proud (ok a tad haughty) about my power of observation and interpretation.

I started looking for the lighter or a matchbox in order to start the fire on the stove. After 15 minutes of frantic but unsuccessful searching I could practically feel the frustration starting to seep in. If necessity is the mother of invention then frustration must be the father. I began to think about innovative ideas to light a fire. I came up with a few absolutely brilliant ones. Can’t really tell you at the moment what they are though. I will probably let you know once I get them patented. I was about to put one of them to test when dad walked in (probably woken by the decibel level of my frantic search), and relieved me of the duty of making tea.

As the tea was boiling and the water level rising I began to think about my rising frustration level. I realized that I was frustrated about quite a few things. From my love life (actually about the lack of any love in my life) to my job, everything at that moment seemed frustrating in one way or the other.

For now I am “optimized” (for lack of a better word) to being another Software Engineer. Like they say in Bangalore if you spit out of a moving vehicle it will probably land on a Software Engineer and in 3 out of 4 cases the person will be from ******* (Eeeew, gross. I am not going anywhere near that place. Hyderabad Rocks.). Not that I hate coding. Code is actually the love of my life (till now). But, I hardly seem to be moving on to writing new or better code. Growth in the software industry ironically and sadly so is indirectly proportional to the amount of coding one gets to do. Lethargy starts to set in, and once it gets a grip on your life, you are all but doomed (in my humble opinion). I think it’s time I did something about my directionless attempt at work. Various career options have been running through my mind. I have to narrow them down to 2 or 3 and then do some serious thinking.

Anyway that was enough of contemplation and frustration for one morning. I have better things to do now. Lemon tea anyone???

P.S: Those who are thinking that this guy deserves to be a boring philosopher. Yes, am actively considering that option too.

My Team...

 

More about the breath of fresh air.

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Hey people check out their web-site http://paritrana.org . Here you can get to know the profiles of the five "saviours".

They even have a online form which you can download and fill up to get a party membership. Check it out people.

A breath of fresh air, or old candy in a new wrapper.

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Finally, finally, finally someone takes up the initiative. If their credentials are anything to go by then this is the begining of a new era in Indian politics. I have Ctrl+C ed and Ctrl+V ed the article from Economic Times for your benefit. Read on...


Tech tonic: IITians form political partyPOOJA VIRENDRA KUMARTIMES NEWS NETWORK[ TUESDAY, JANUARY 24, 2006 12:47:46 PM]

BANGALORE: Seems like Mani Rathnam’s Yuva is getting off the reels. Five IITians, all in their 20s, have decided to take up mainstream politics. The youths, based in Jodhpur, will be in the city to campaign for their national party, “ Paritrana’’ , which was launched in Jodhpur on Friday.
“Giving up handsome pay packages, comfort of family and support of friends wasn’t that easy,’’ says Tanmay Rajpurohit, the national president of the party and B Tech in aerospace from IIT Bombay followed by an MS from GeorgiaTech and double masters in arts.
“But my inner voice told me that I should invest my efforts in my country rather than making my pockets heavier,’’ said Ajit Ashwalayan Shukla, vice president of the party.
“People think we are crazy so much so that our families have also failed to understand our motto, but we won’t give up,’’ he added.
The core team of “Paritrana’ ’ comprises Rajpurohit , Shukla, Amit Beesen, also the vice president and a B Tech (Mechanical) from IIT Bombay and a LLB graduate, Chandrashekhar (national treasurer), B Tech (computer science) from IIT Kanpur, Bharat Sundaram, the PRO of the party and B Tech from IIT Kanpur and PhD in electronics from Melbourne.
“Paritrana means complete relief from the various causes of distress, and that is what we want to do for our people,’’ added Chandrashekhar. Low funds have not discouraged them in their efforts of holding door-to-door campaigns in Gujarat, Madhya Pradesh, Rajasthan and parts of Maharashtra.
“We strongly feel that the politicians of today are no longer the voice of the common man but instead they voice their own personal agendas through which they can fetch maximum votes,’’ said Shukla.
“We are not here for the power game. We are here to deal with the grassroots issues of each and every small village that we come across,’’ added Shukla.
The zeal and burning desire of the five youngsters sounds sincere. “I believe that we are just five ordinary boys from the middle class family with no godfathers in politics but have dared to come forward and fight for our rights,’’ said Chandrashekhar. “And we will succeed in it,’’ he added.
After the launch of the party at the Suchana Kendra in Jodhpur, the party members, as a part of their promotional campaign will tour Jodhpur, Udaipur, Ahmedabad, Mumbai, Pune, Bangalore and Chennai.

Only time will tell but if this piece of news is true then this is where my vote rests for the upcoming elections.

Jai Hind.
Also Visit http://economictimes.indiatimes.com/articleshow/msid-1384411,curpg-1.cms for reading the article.